21. December 2007 by Carol.

It’s been a week exactly at this very moment (5:05 pm) when I woke up in recovery at Loyola.  I remember looking at the clock and trying to decide if it was 5 after 5 or 25 after 1.  I figured sooner or later one of those hands would move and I’d know for sure.  Guess I was sort of “with it” at that point but it was an interesting awakening (and it was 5:05 pm at the time in case you wondered…).

What have I eliminated this week?  I’ve been thinking about that today.  Much of what I expected to - my prudishness about being poked and prodded and pushed and pulled (another “p” day on the blog) has diminished because of all the casts of thousands that seemed to want to see what my incision was doing at any given time of the day (or night).  I have eliminated the fear of the unknown as far as big surgery is concerned.  It is still a scary proposition no matter what but no longer an unknown so facing surgery in the future will have its own separate fears I suppose.

It hurts but it is not unbearable.  My incision is 9″ long and is a sort of “J” shaped thing on my lower abdomen.  I have Jaime’s left kidney in my right front side safely tucked away for good keeping.  It is working very well and those who have been monitoring it are very pleased.  My creatinine levels are near normal and my kidney function is right where it should be - both are better than they have been in probably 12 years or so.

 I don’t think it’s all hit me though.  As Jaime is probably getting off the plane right now I realize intellectually that she has left a part of her behind here and inside of me but I don’t think that psychologically, emotionally and spiritually it has really sunk in yet.  I know it will, though, and probably very soon.

I take over 50 pills each day which is amazing to me.  Each bunch of pills is a meal in itself and yet they still expect me to eat!  Sometimes eating is hard and sometimes it’s okay.  But those prune muffins that I created the other day??…they are working their wonder (okay - too much information….)

I have much more to write about.  The Lord gave me an angel during the surgery process and I will tell you more about Aaron Costeresan sometime in the coming days.  And He is giving me much grace.  I get very, very frustrated at how the simplest of things seem to take so much time and thought to do (”Let’s see, how do I stand up from this chair?  How do I get out of bed?  I have to do WHAT before I take a shower??)…too much to think about for such simple things.  I am seeing a point of frustration in all of that.  But I am also seeing God’s grace.

And how grateful I am for all those who are supporting me through this.  My incredibly capable and energetic sister is amazing.  And my friends (probably all of you who would possibly be reading this) have been a huge support and helped make this a little fun in the midst of the all the business of this surgery thing.

So, once again, thanks for reading.  I will make every attempt to write a little something every day now.  It is good for my soul and I think some of you might even be enjoying it some, too.

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15. December 2007 by Nate.

Another update from Barb. As of 10:00am today:

Hi all,

Carol got out of Intensive Care last evening (Friday) and is back on the 6th floor. She is still on track to go home on Sunday, but she will have to get up and start walking to be able to do that. The nurses will probably make her do that today. The kidney is working - her blood creatinine levels are coming down toward normal. Jaime is also doing well. She will be released either later today or tomorrow. Thank you all for your continuing prayers.

Love, Barb

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14. December 2007 by Nate.

From an email from Barb (Carol’s sister). Sent earlier this evening.

Hello all,
Sorry to be so late in contacting you, but it has been a very long day. It started much later than we expected, with Jaime the donor starting her surgery at 9am and Carol not starting hers until almost 11am. It was successful for both of them. Jaime was finished about 230pm and Carol at 5pm. The kidney is in and functioning-already producing urine. Both Carol and Jaime are doing well. Jaime is back in her regular hospital room tonight. Carol is in the ICU unit for the night and if she continues to do as well as she is now, will be back in her regular room sometime tomorrow. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I feel like Carol was surrounded by a halo of love all through this process. I will try to send another update either tomorrow or Saturday as there is news to report. Thank you again.

Barb Garton
(aka Carol’s sister)

Thanks for reading [and praying].

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11. December 2007 by Carol.

Today will be a day of eliminating what has seemed like an endless list of things to do before this medical adventure I am going on.  But just when I think I have the list written down completely I think of something else I need to do which makes eliminating that list just that much more difficult.  So my eliminations for today will be to accomplish as much as I can of this list so that they are eliminated from the list and then eliminate my intense need to get everything done if I don’t have it all done by the end of the day.  Then I need to slow down my non-stop whirling brain and eliminate thoughts about everything else but what is ahead for the next few days.  This will be a tough transition because I’m used to taking care of everything myself (think it’s a control issue?? :-)  ) and after today I am, for the next many days, going to need others to do an awful lot for me.   Hmmm….eliminating self-sufficiency might be the thing in this case…  This will be hard.

Thanks for reading.

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11. December 2007 by Carol.

Denial…that was today’s elimination.  I know I have been in somewhat of a state of denial since all this started moving so fast a couple weeks ago but today that denial was given a big, humongous, ginormous slap in the face!  Nearly decked me!  I spent the day at Loyola getting poked and prodded and meeting with some of those who will be taking care of me in the coming days.  Meeting with the anesthesiology representative was an eye opener and then came the surgeon…  He poked around and showed me where he was going to cut and how long it will be (8 inches!!!! - yikes!) and all the potential complications for my situation.  I tried so hard to get him to laugh but I think he doesn’t have much of a sense of humor…are all surgeons like that?  There were blood draws and x-rays and signatures and paperwork abounded.  And everything was all sort of gray - the weather, the environment, my disposition…am I really doing the right thing (I kept wondering…)?

But as I went through the day I watched the people around me as I moved from place to place.  “These people are really sick” I kept saying to myself, “I don’t belong here…”  Ah, there it was again…that denial thing.  My heart ached for those who were so outwardly obviously sick.  And I then had a glimmer of gratefulness that I would, Lord willing, not be one of those dialysis patients who get so sick from kidney failure.

And all of a sudden I ran into Jaime in the hallway.  She too was being sent from pillar to post and being poked and prodded (it was a “p” day as my young friend Raymond would say) but there she was coming down the hall and we both smiled when we saw each other and embraced.  She is so brave and strong…can I get even just a little of that in her left kidney that she is giving me?  I hope so.

And so many people I encountered today that worked at Loyola.  Many of them somewhat welcoming and helpful.  Others were so unhappy and it seemed like their lives lacked any joy.  Many were immigrants from Poland and elsewhere.  I wondered what their lives were like.

So denial is slowly being eliminated from my brain.  What will replace it?  Courage?  I hope so.  Fear?  No doubt…it’s already seeping in.  But I keep thinking about the story in scripture about the paralytic who was lowered through the roof by his faithful and faith filled friends.  It was because of those friends that he was healed and that is how I feel right now.  Because if the faith of those who are in my lfie and care about me, I will be healed.

Thanks for reading.

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10. December 2007 by Carol.

I keep thinking about the word eliminate. Having become so aware of what our kidneys do for us, I have a pretty clear understanding of this “process of elimination” that happens in our bodies with these amazing filters that God placed inside us. But I’ve also been thinking about other things that have been eliminated in my life over the years because these scrawny kidneys of mine don’t do what they want to do. My finger nails were pretty much wiped out but the irony is that this illness also makes you very, very itchy. Kind of cruel, don’t you think? I’ve eliminated eating large amounts of protein in my diet (which is probably a good thing to an extent).

Recently several wonderful friends have helped me eliminate some of the piles of stuff in my house. Others have helped me eliminate a good bit of the summertime dirt that filtered into my windows this year. All of these wonderful, practical ways of eliminating.

And then there’s Jaime, my dear friend and donor, who is eliminating a whole part of herself so that I can live. Yes, indeed, “greater love has no man than to lay down his life for a friend” has certainly come to life in my heart in a new way.

But then there are the more esoteric kinds of eliminating that can happen in our lives. My spiritual “dad” is encouraging me to eliminate the negative thinking that seems to easily beset me in nearly every place in my life. God is helping me to understand how to eliminate fear from my heart and trust Him that He has everything under control. Which then leads me to the idea of eliminating control issues in my life…now THAT would be quite an elimination, wouldn’t it?

So tomorrow I begin the journey in some very specific ways. Blood tests and physical examinations and the inevitable poking and prodding that comes with them will become a way of life for me for the next few weeks. So I must learn to eliminate a certain amount of prudishness and privacy that are pretty strong in my life and just try to sit back for the ride - a ride for my life.

Yet as I sit here at my computer on the eve of the beginning of this ride I hear this still, small Voice saying “Be still and know that I am God…” So I must eliminate all the squirming in my head, heart and soul so that I may know that stillness and peace.

Thanks for reading.

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6. December 2007 by Carol.

Many of you have asked me to have something posted on the internet about my experiences of going through a kidney transplant.  My colleague and friend, Nate Kauffman, created this little blog site for me and I will attempt to ramble about what it’s all like and maybe even occasionally wax eloquent.  So welcome to my blog.  We’ll see what comes out of it.

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