29. January 2008 by Carol.

I tend to be one of those people who likes to have all her ducks in a row and everything well planned out.  Spontaniety is fine for fun things when time and planning isn’t all that important but when there’s limited time or other plans that are messed up then I really squirm to work through all those changes in plans, disappointments, dashed expectations, etc.

Today was one of those days for me today.  I went into Loyola for several appointments fully expecting to run a couple of errands afterwards and come home to work a couple more hours.  Instead one of the procedures couldn’t be completed and they will need to sedate me to do it and I am running a temp and my blood work is off just enough for them to be a bit concerned.  So I was sent home to pack my bags and plan to head back to Loyola later tonight for a couple of days - a lady of leisure?  Probably not.  I was hoping to go in the office tomorrow and another day this week but instead my plans have to change and I have to adjust.  Ugh…I feel squirming coming on.

So for those of you who are patient and spontaneous and don’t get ruffled when plans change - how do you do it?  I know this is part of the Lord’s plans and I think of all the scriptures (”I know the plans I have for you…good and not harm” “If the Lord is willing then today or tomorrow we will [do this or that]” “Be still and know I am God” and then there’s all those “trust” ones, too.)  I know all these things are true.  I know the Lord has my best at heart.  But that is a place where my spirit still needs to grow - I have to not only KNOW they are true but I also have to move it from my head to my heart and my spirit.

It’s a faith issue that’s always bothered me and I keep wondering when I will be spiritually mature enough to not have it be an issue - after 36 years of knowing Jesus you’d think I’d be there.  But then again, perhaps this is my “thorn in the flesh” that I have to wrestle with the Lord each time my plans are not His plans.

Even at nearly 54 years old there are many lessons still to learn.

 Thanks for reading.

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19. January 2008 by Carol.

I’m on a quest to replace the style of shoes I’ve been wearing for many years.  They have been the perfect shoes - intensely comfortable, clunky cute (kind of 70’s-ish - that’s sort of my style anyhow) and better than any shoes I’ve ever worn.  But, alas, they are no longer made and I’m on my last pairs of them.  Because of my size 13’s it isn’t easy to just run out and find the perfect shoes.  It is a many month journey of trial and error with several styles before I find the perfect one.

So last week while I was on that search on a website that has wonderful shoes for those of us who are large of understanding (big feet) I found this crazy pair of red (I’ll drop the alliteration for now) satin sequined boy style sneakers (for girls)!  They had them in my size and they were on sale to boot (pun intended!).  Did I dare???  Yes, I decided.

So they came in the mail today and they are just so cute (okay so you guys out there can’t relate to cute shoes - trust me on this one) and quite a fashion statement!  But I got to thinking - did I have the nerve to wear them?

Tonight I was looking at them and they just make me smile.  I can see the looks on people’s faces when I return to work wearing red satin sequined sneakers!  Jaime is known for some of her fun fashion statements so as I looked at the shoes tonight I decided that this would be a way I would celebrate having a piece of Jaime inside me.

The Lord has been speaking to me a lot about joy the last year or more.  It is something that has been nearly missing in my life both spiritually and emotionally.  So I plan to use these red satin sequined sneakers to remind me of all he has done for me with this gift of life and let those shoes bring a smile to my face and perhaps restore joy to my heart.  It might be a bit silly to some of you but I plan to make these shoes a visual reminder because it is often too easy for me to forget all of God’s blessings to me.  May they be that for me!

Thanks for reading.

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17. January 2008 by Carol.

One of the many blessings the Lord provided for me when I was in the hospital was my “angel”, Aaron Costerisan (sorry, Aaron, if I misspelled your last name…).  Aaron was one of the med students on the surgical team.  When he came in to meet both of us the night before his appearance reminded me of a young version of a friend of mine who is somewhat well known in Christian radio.  So I asked Ken and Jaime if they knew my friend and as they said no, Aaron said “I know who he is.”  And I told him he looked like a younger version of my friend and I asked him how he knew him.  As it all came out, Aaron was a Wheaton College grad and a believer.  He is the nicest young man and I instantly felt the Lord had sent him my way to help me through this surgical process. 

He seemed to always be there when I needed some encouragement.  He was the first surgical team member to come into the room early the next morning and I was starting to freak out.  He stopped and prayed for me at that point.  A great blessing and comfort.  Later I was in pre-op he was there sitting at a computer working away and looked at me and smiled.  I was already freaking out about pre-op so just his smile was a great comfort.  Then they started poking me and putting in huge IV lines (he one they put in me the night before wasn’t “big enough” according to the docs) and all kinds of things and I really started freaking out.  The anesthesiologist came to talk to me about the process and I told her about my fears.  She was fine but not particularly comforting.  And just then who should walk by but Aaron and he looked at me and smiled!  Praise the Lord for Aaron.

And, Aaron, if you’re out there and reading this I pray for you often and know that the Lord has an amazing ministry for you as a doctor.  May you be blessed.

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17. January 2008 by Carol.

Tonight after I took my shower and I was changing the dressing on my wound it got me to thinking about some of the funny things that happened in the hospital.  One of my favorite funny things was when I finally got my surgeon, Dr. David Holt, to laugh.  Don’t get me wrong - he is an excellent surgeon - all the nurses and med students and residents spoke very highly of his skill.  But he was always just a little too serious for me and so I set out to try to make him laugh at some point while I was incarcerated…uh…in hospital.

My first attempt was when I had been assigned to use an incentive spirometer after the surgery.  This is an instrument that measures how much air is going in and out of the lungs.  This one was reverse from others I have used.  In the past I have used the ones that you have to blow out and into and make the little ball go as high as you can make it go so I kept breathng into it and into it and the ball wouldn’t move.  Finally one of the residents showed me that this particular instrument required my breathing IN instead of out and then I got the ball to move! 

But they kept calling it an incentive spirometer so I was asking what my incentive was if I got it all the way up?  What do I get if I do it?  Most of the med students and residents just laughed at me but when Dr. Holt came in he asked me how I was doing with it so I asked him what I my incentive was - what do I win if I get it all the way up to the top.  Well he had a good comeback.  He said to me that if I could make the ball go all the way to the top and make the bell ding that I’d win a car (what you probably don’t know is that there was no bell on the instrument)!  So I came back with an equally quick response and told him that I would find a way to make a bell ring on that instrument if it meant I’d win a car.  He kind of chuckled at that one.

But later that day I was asking him about the big bump around my incision that was kind of hard and very sore.  One of the med students told me it was where they had pushed back all my internal parts while they were putting in the kidney and that all of that tissue and other internal parts would eventually move back into place somewhere down the healing road.  So later in the day I was telling Dr. Holt about it and the pain that was associated with it.  I said to him “I know that’s where you tore me open and pushed back my internal parts but…” and he laughed out loud and said “Well I prefer to say it’s where I did my precision work of moving your internal parts out of the way!”  And we both had a good laugh over that one.

 Another story has to do with one of the interns who was taking care of Jaime and me the night before the surgery.  He came wandering in around 11 pm that night and had to take all this information from both of us.  He rolled his computer into the room and started asking his questions but about every 3 minutes his pager would go off and he’d have to use one of our phones to call in to see what the page was about.  It got to be really funny to us (but not to him) and we were really giving him a hard time about it.  He ended up having so much fun with us that he decided to hang out in our room for a little while because we were a lot of fun for him.

A whole bunch of people came to visit us the night before the surgery - we had a regular party in our room that night (and thanks to any of you who are reading this who might have attended - it really helped us that night).  Nate and Karen Kauffman came in with little gift bags for each of us and inside the bags were cans of kidney beans!  So we put the cans next to our beds and every time someone from the surgical team came in that night or in the morning we’d show them the can and tell them that if they botched up Jaime’s kidney that we had back ups ready for them in our cans.  We got many good chuckles with that one.

All in all I tried to make it amusing whenever it was possible.  Jaime, of course, was a great help in that as well.

Thanks for reading.

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15. January 2008 by Carol.

As most of you know, Barb is my sister.  We grew up in the same household but our experiences in that house were nearly total opposites.  You could say we grew up at the same address but in very different houses. But we both survived the madness and lived to tell.

Barb came down from her home in Minnesota the week of the surgery to be there with me in the hospital and to help me the week after the surgery.  A huge chunk of time from her very busy life.  What an enormous gift to me.

Let me tell you about my amazing sister.  She is clearly the most capable woman I know.  She can do it all and do it VERY well.  She cooks and cleans and organizes and reads voraciously.  She dresses just right for every occasion, she’s beautiful and patient and incredibly intelligent.  She takes amazing care of her family, does all the right things for every occasion and holiday AND she works full time!!!! 

Barb was there at the hospital every single day.  She took care of all the details that I wasn’t “with it” enough to think about.  She toted all my stuff because I couldn’t lift things after the surgery.  She walked all around that huge hospital, she kept in touch with everyone who wanted to know how I was doing and she did it all with a cheerful disposition and a smile on her face even though I knew she was exhausted.

THEN when I was sent home she went to work around here helping me with everything because there wasn’t a lot I could do for myself.  We laughed and got soaked the first night I was home as we attempted to wash my very dirty, grungy, bed head hair.  She helped me get up from my chair and out of bed even in the middle of the night when I need to use the facilities.  She brought me food and drink and whatever I needed. 

And while she was taking care of me and my house and all that was a part of getting me taken care of,  she was baking dozens and dozens of Christmas cookies.  And not just simple little drop cookies - these are beautiful cookies with many steps to the baking process and frosting afterwards and rolling some in nuts and others had hidden mint surprises in them.  They were equally as tasty as they were beautiful.  She is the most amazing cookie maker I’ve ever known.  We had an Aunt Martha who baked wonderful cookies but I think Barb has Aunt Martha topped!

So I watched my sister in this whole process (after all I didn’t have much else to do but sit and observe!) and marveled at her ability to accomplish so much in one short day.  She is an amazing and extremely capable woman and I am proud to have her as my sister and so very grateful for all that she did for me.

This is my tribute to my lovely and wonderful sister.

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15. January 2008 by Carol.

Those of you who know Jaime know what an incredible woman she really is.  She is beautiful in every way - body, soul and spirit.  She has a wonderful, cheerful spirit and she’s LOTS of fun.  She is incredibly generous.  And I’m pretty sure that “courage” is her middle name.  She has lived and/or visited places all over the world.  Her sense of adventure comes pouring out of her.  And she has a faith that is deep and encouraging.

I realize I’ve never told the whole story of how this all came about.  Jaime and I worked together at Awana.  She was in one of my first classes that I taught and was very nice to this scared new teacher of computers at Awana.  My first few months there I really wondered what I was doing trying to teach others how to use their computer when I was still learning myself.  But then I realized that because I was learning it and then teaching it that it made it less scary for those who came to me for learning.  I kept telling them if I could do this then they could too and so many have found that to be true.  Jaime came to a class that was really a little below her skills but she patiently listened to me lecture and followed along with the exercises on my screen and asked good, challenging questions (which also scared me! :-)  ).

But I knew from that first day that we would be friends and that she was a kindred spirit in many ways.  And I also knew that I wanted to know more about what made Jaime Chambers tick.

In the ensuing months we had opportunities to connect at various Awana functions and have some VERY funny stories to tell from those encounters.  Also in those same months it became apparent that my kidneys were continuing to go down and that it was likely that dialysis was looming as a choice I had to make.  I finally “showed my hand” at Awana and asked for prayer about this struggle in my life.

A week or so later Jaime stopped me in the atrium at Awana HQ and said to me, “I feel that the Lord wants me to be tested to give you a kidney.  Ken and I have been praying about it and feel very strongly about it.”  So I said “Wow!  Thanks!” and gave her a hug thinking about what a nice person she was and what a generous thought she had but never thinking she was really serious about it.  But as time went on she kept asking me when we were going to get tested and after asking me that several times I realized she was serious and started doing what I had to do for us to go get our blood tested together.

In the meantime, Ken took a job in California and they packed and moved.  Hmmm…a fly in the ointment…a duck getting out of the row…a question about whether this would really happen.  But Jaime was not deterred by the distance and she was coming back a few weeks later for a meeting and we decided to go for “blood and breakfast” one of the mornings she would be here.

I learned that the matching is done on six genetic markers.  If the donor was an identical twin then all the markers would match.  If the donor is a sibling or other close family member then perhaps there would be three or four of the six markers that would match.  But most of the time non-family donors don’t match at any of the markers or maybe one if you’re lucky.  So when our blood cross typing came back, the folks at Loyola kept asking each of us if we were related…were we sure we weren’t related???  Because we match at 3 of the 6 genetic markers!  Wow!  Now I knew even more that this was such a clear doing of the Lord.

Jaime and I would giggle about being long lost sisters or twins (LONG gestation period - we’re 7 years apart in age and, yes, she’s the youngster - she’s want me to make that clear!). 

But all of this is to show you what a remarkable woman Jaime is.  For her to choose to go through major surgery, have a major organ removed from her body so that I can have it, her courage and her generousity and her cheerful spirit and encouraging faith when I was getting so scared - all of these things are a enormous gift to my life.  I am eternally grateful for this wonderful woman in my life.

So this is my tribute to Jaime.

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15. January 2008 by Carol.

I have SO MANY people to thank for helping me get this far along in this process and those will come but I first want to write about two amazing women that the Lord used in huge ways to make all this possible.  So read on and bless these women with me.

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15. January 2008 by Carol.

Yesterday, Sunday, it was exactly one month since Jaime and I were joined at the kidney.  Whew!  It seems like years ago and at the same time it doesn’t seem like it’s happened at all.  I am quite convinced that the reality of this - that I have a kidney that was born to someone else - is now in my body.  I can say it intellectually but I think emotionally and in my soul it has not hit me that much yet.  I am guessing it’s just because I’ve been so cocooned in this healing process that reality just isn’t completely there.

Oh don’t get me wrong - there have definitely been some realities in this though.  There’s the reality of the pain which is finally subsiding.  There’s the reality of 50+ pills down the hatch every day.  There’s the reality of a 10″ scar that wasn’t there 32 days ago.  There’s the bruises from all the blood draws and the collapsed veins because of all the pokes and sticks it has taken to give the IV’s I needed in the hospital and the blood tests to make sure I’m remaining stable.  There’s the incredible amount of tiredness that has prevailed in my body.  Naps are a daily necessity these last few weeks.

But thanks be to God I am remaining stable and the kidney and my body continue to seem to like each other (I’m glad for that because Jaime and I continue to like each other too and it would be sad if my body and her kidney just decided to have a fight!).  My staples came out last week and since then the incision doesn’t hurt at all except around the area that is still open and draining but even that is healing up much quicker than expected.  Again I give thanks to the Lord!

I have eliminated my isolation this week.  I started driving again on Saturday.  It was weird at first but since I’ve been driving for nearly 40 years it came back pretty quickly.  Today I even drove myself to Loyola and stopped at the grocery store on the way home.  But that was it for me.  Time for heading home after that!

I have also been released to work limited hours from home starting tomorrow!  I am grateful to be able to give it a try.  But I still need to get my head and my body to synch for longer periods of time than it has been the last few weeks.

So now I have the rest of my life to go.  Where before all this I was planning my funeral and pretty much just riding it out until I would be with Jesus, now I have to think about what appears to be a future longer than I had before.  What does the Lord have for me?  I keep asking “why me?” and why not someone else?  That clearly tells me that the Lord is not finished with me left.  I am constantly humbled by this and in that state I want to make sure I am listening carefully for how He wants me to move into this new found future.  For that I covet your prayers.

So that’s the update for now.  I have several tributes and other things I want to write and will begin them this evening.

Thanks for reading. 

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5. January 2008 by Carol.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written much.  I have so much inside my head and heart that I want to write out but when my brain is ready my body seems to say no and when my body has the energy my brain is in a fog.  But I thought I’d at least start writing something tonight and add more as the days go on.  I have much to tell about this process and all that has happened to me thus far.

It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 weeks since the transplant and yet at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago.

As for the moment, I am feeling okay.  The incision seems to be healing although the doctor did not take the staples out last Monday.  I am hoping for this Monday.  But I have developed a seroma which is a build up of fluid near the incision site.  It creates a big bump that can often be painful.  It started draining this week and I am grateful for that but it is annoying as well as painful.   Patience is not one of my strongest characteristics so this is an interesting test.

Jaime’s kidney and my body seem to be playing well together.  My kidney function is higher than it’s been in probabaly 15 years.  My creatinine level has been 1.4 for the last couple of weeks.  I am still hoping it will drop a little more but I can be happy with 1.4.  It had been 4.3 for quite some time prior to the transplant.  Everyone who sees me says I look better than I have in a long time - the dark circles are nearly gone under my eyes and my skin color is better than it’s been in awhile. 

So that’s it for now.  I have SO MUCH I want to write about what’s going on inside me as well as what the experience of getting a new kidney has been like for me but tonight is not the night.  Plus I want to write tributes to some amazing women who have been a big part of this process and I want to continue to look at the eliminations in our lives and how God wants to use them.  Soon…I promise.

Thanks for reading and praying, too.  I need the prayer for sure.

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