18. April 2008 by Carol.

Recently I was the blessed recipient of an amazing mobile phone.  I received it from work so that I can “run but I can’t hide”!  It’s actually an incredible little piece of equipment and I am loving it.  Not sure what I ever did without it!  (yes, I believe I’ve moved into the “geek” category now and I’m proud of it!)

Anyhow, on this phone is a game called BrickBreaker and a couple of weeks ago I was playing around with it while I was waiting for a doctor appointment and got hooked on it.  It’s a very simple game of, essentially, electronic pinball but at each level it gets a bit more difficult to move past that round.  I’ve only made it to level 10 out of 34 so far but I’m still kind of proud of that achievement (I’m still new at this “geek” stuff).

This game has several enhancements that are provided to you if you hit the right “bricks” with your pinball.  There’s “long” that makes the player’s paddle longer so you have more surface to bounce the little ball from and thus a greater chance of keeping it up in the air.  There’s “slow” which slows the speed of the ball.  There’s “gun,” “bomb,” and “laser” that provide extra ammunition for you to demolish the bricks and up your score.  And there’s “flip” that makes the player’s paddle go the opposite direction of the button and it gets VERY confusing.  I avoid that one as much as possible.

And then there’s “life” which gives you another chance to play the game if you make a mistake and miss the ball when it comes back down to the paddle.

So last night I was playing this game for a few minutes and the little “life” enhancement came tumbling down for me to use.  And it suddenly occurred to me that in some ways the enhancements of this game are much like how I feel at times.  There are times when I feel “long” and can make the extra effort to complete something that I might not be able to on other days.  And there are times when I feel like the bomb or the laser or the gun when I have something in me that gives me the extra ammunition I need to search and destroy the bricks in my life.

And then there’s the dreaded “flip” and I admit that too often I feel like that.  I feel like everything around me has been flipped around and doesn’t do what I think it should do.  Sometimes my memory fails me just when I need it the most.  Sometimes my body flips me around (not literally - that would be quite a site wouldn’t it?) and prevents me from something I may have planned for that day.  Either way, flipped is not a good feeling and I am slowly learning to adjust to those unexpected times when “flip happens”.

But then there’s “life” and that word I looked at last night when all this little analogy came into my head.  LIFE - that’s an amazing word.  Merriam-Webster has many definitions for it.  Among them are:

• the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body
• the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual
• the period of duration, usefulness, or popularity of something
• the period from birth to death
• spiritual existence transcending physical death

In the last couple of years my view of life as taken some dramatic swings.   I found myself at times wondering if my “period of duration, usefulness, or popularity” was coming to an end soon.  I thought often about the “period from birth to death” because, once again, I was pretty sure the end of that period was coming very soon.  And so I often thought about the idea of life being “spiritual existence transcending physical death” because of my relationship with God.

But last night I looked at that word LIFE and realized that I have it back again!  That it is more likely than not that this will NOT be the year that I see the end of my “period of duration, usefulness, or popularity” (I’ve never been popular so that aspect was over before it started…).  Yet in looking at it last night I found a sense of peace that I haven’t had in awhile.  It goes back to the whole idea of planning my life instead of planning my funeral that I wrote about a couple of months ago.

While life as I know it now is not a bed of roses - there are still plenty of struggles and stresses - I would not change the choice I made for this transplant for ANYTHING!  And how very, very grateful that Jaime felt the same way four months ago.  

I’ve made a LOT of mistakes in my life - done a LOT of things I regret.  But “life” has given me another chance to play the game and increase my score and move to the next level. 

LIFE - it’s a beautiful choice!

Thanks for reading.

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2. April 2008 by Carol.

Tonight I was reminded that, in Illinois, April is Donate Life! Month - a time when Illinois residents are encouraged to register to be an organ donor.  I’ve watched the public service announcements that they have had on TV each April the last couple of years and wondered if I’d ever be among the group of people who would have a story to tell like those they feature in the PSA’s.  This year I watch them with very different eyes and very different feelings and, of course, a story to tell.  If you live in Illinois and haven’t registered to be a donor under the new laws of registering through the online registration site, please visit www.lifegoeson.com and sign up.  It takes less than a minute and will give others hundreds of thousands of additional minutes to their lives with your gift.  (p.s. - I learned today that there is a national website that has a list of each state’s organ donor websites.  So for those of you out there not in Illinois it’s http://donatelife.net/index.php )

Thanks for reading!

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1. April 2008 by Carol.

One thing I had learned prior to the surgery is that one of the drugs I’d be taking for life could likely cause my hair to slowly fall out.  Now I’ve never had thick, stunning golden locks anyhow so I was a bit apprehensive about losing even more of what little I have but the alternative drug to it had even worse side effects.  This morning as I get ready to jump in the shower and start my day I am noticing the size of the wad of hair that is in the hair catcher.  And I’ve noticed a little more “glow” off the top of my head lately and I notice that when I wear dark colors there are more curly blonde/gray threads hanging on to my clothes.  I can tell when I put my hair in a pony tail that it takes one more wrap around to have it tight enough.

These are things I knew I’d have to wrestle with when I made the decision to go ahead with the drug.  Do I regret the decision?  Absolutely not.  Am I struggling with the reality of it now?  Certainly.  I’ve always thought my hair was my one good asset and now it’s down the drain (pun intended).  I don’t think I’ll ever be bald but it’ll be interesting to see how much I ultimately lose. 

So now I’m trying to decide what I’m going to do about this in my head (as opposed to on my head…) and heart.  I know there will be ongoing wrestling and perhaps even some grieving somewhere down the road.  But I’m hoping I can also make something good out of this as well to help myself live with it and to hopefully encourage others in the same predicament.

It’s an interesting life but I’m grateful to have it right now and I’m glad to have to wrestle with these things.  Last year I thought I was ready for the alternative but I don’t think I quite am yet.  So by the Lord’s grace I will keep experiencing all these new experiences with my new kidney.

Thanks for reading!

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1. April 2008 by Carol.

I’ve been meaning to write this for awhile now and am finally getting around to it.  Another person on the Loyola team that I am just getting to know more is the post-transplant nephrologist and the director of renal transplantation at Loyola, Dr. Susan Hou.  She was kind enough to attend my kidney’s birthday party a few weeks ago and during that afternoon she mentioned that she was a kidney donor herself. 

Wow!  I already admired her from my previous connections with her but now my admiration jumped up even more.  So I did a little “googling” tonight using her name and came across this article from another transplant recipient who wrote about Dr. Hou and her work.  She is an amazing woman who walks her talk in ways I only wish I could.  Read this article and be amazed…  http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/275737/a_tale_of_two_transplants_the_story.html.

My life is so greatly blessed with phenomenal friends and family and the most wonderful medical caregivers ever.  My regular doctors here in the western suburbs, Dr. Beth Larson and Dr. Greg Kozeny have poured so much into my life and now this amazing team from Loyola that I have been blessed to have in my life as well.

Thanks for reading…and may we all walk our talk!

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